"Hard to Find" Skillet Saturday 5

And this is why I don't date. 

I was asked recently by more than one female, the age old question that the majority of girls sit and ponder hours and shed countless tears over. 

"Why do guys (or girls) play with peoples hearts? Why do they lead you on and play games with you only to get bored and find a more interesting game?  Telling you they care for you, then dropping you like your hot and leaving you to get cold on the floor."

The cruel vicious cycle of flirting, talking and dating = heartbreak 99% of the time.  The game we all say that we hate, yet continue to play.  

"Turned on the TV yesterday
So much pain bleeding through I had to look away
But inside me the picture’s just the same
And every time I open up my eyes nothing seems to change

It never seems to change"
Towards the middle of last year I had this guy I went to church with start showing interest in me.  I had been single for a few months and I enjoyed the attention this guy was giving me.  It felt nice to have a guy say nice things to me and comment on my appearance.  What girl doesn't love flattery? 

This guy was was super charming, and I would find out the hard way that he was quite the lady charmer and into playing games with every girl  he could convince to play the game.

I turned him down a few times saying I wasn't looking for another relationship anytime soon.  But guys love a challenge.  He kept pursuing me, (I finally let my guard down) and he eventually tricked me into going out with him.   (**Helpful hint** Ladies-- When a guy says he'll pay for you and its just as friends--- its a lie!  Lies!!! He wouldn't pay if he wasn't interested in you. Moving on.) 

After the date ended, he tried to kiss me.  I was like, "Whoa, dude! This is not happening. I'm not one of those easy girls that kisses someone their not dating."  I continued to tell him about my non-kissing vow/commitment that I had made to God. How I was saving my first kiss until I was engaged/married.  He told me how cool a commitment that was and how he wished all girls thought the same way. 

Dumbly and because I was asking for trouble, I went out with him a few more times.   And when the date would end, he still tried to kiss me each time. After the second time, I decided to ignore the red flags I saw. ( I enjoyed being liked. Who doesn't?)

 I found my self in a not so good situation and had to almost smack him away.   

"Something woke me in the night
In the midst of the darkness I recognize the light
Now inside me the picture seems so clear
All the dying in my broken dreams is starting to appear"

He finally tells me he had dated a girl that said she had the same no-kissing rule and after taking her on a few dates, she quickly broke that rule.  

"You give me faith to believe there’s a way
To put the past finally behind me
And hope to make it through another night
You give me strength during these dark times when I’m blind
You are my light when faith is hard to find

Faith is hard to find"

He continues to tell me that he didn't like me. That he only started talking to me because he thought I would be easy. And because he hadn't sucked face with anyone in a few months. (Yes he told me that.) He found my personality annoying and my beliefs ridiculous (too strong for him).  "How do you know if you'd wanna date someone without kissing them several times first?"  

I was crushed.  At the moment hearing this so called "good christian guy" say all that to me, it confirmed what a lot of girls think about guys.  That guys only care about one thing. 
"If I fall will you hold on to me
Through it all promise you won’t lose me
These days hope is hard to come by
And tonight I don’t know how I can’t survive

These ladies that brought up the questions about why are guys players, ask me yet more questions.  "If God has a reason for everything, and knows everything that is going to happen in my life, then why did he allow this person to do this________? Why did He let this person even come into my life if it was only to hurt me?  What lesson am I supposed to learn?"

"Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life."   ~Proverbs 4.23 (New Living Translation)


When I got home after the guy brutally crushed me, I just stood in my driveway and cried. I cried hard and yelled at God.  Asking Him why?  Why God??? Why did you let him use me like that??? I remember singing "praise you in this storm" by Casting Crowns and several other worship songs. Just pouring my heart out to God in the driveway. Red faced, tears and all, I told God I was sorry for trying to give my heart away to someone who wasn't meant to have it.  I was sorry for feeling so desperate to have a guys attention.  Even when it put me in a bad situation.  

You give me faith to believe there’s a way
To put the past finally behind me
And hope to make it through another night
You give me strength during these dark times when I’m blind
You are my light when faith is hard to find"

Crying, singing, and praying, I had this overwhelming peace wave wash over me. I felt truly happy.  I was glad I had experienced what happened. It brought me so much closer to God.   God told me, I have to have faith in Him to believe that He has a great love story written for me if I just hand him the pen and let him have control. 

 But we love control, and that's what makes it so hard. It's so hard to hand your life and your choices over and let someone else decide for you, to let someone else do the driving lol.  

But God's Timing is always perfect. Never too early, never too late.

"Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you:
    Do not arouse or awaken love
    until it so desires."  ~Song of Songs 8:4

I'm now able to put what happened in the past behind me and move on. And I made it through that hurtful night.  God gives me the strength to keep my commitment to Him even when its hard and its the last thing I want to do. 

 God is constantly shining a light in my life ,blinding me sometimes to make me stop and shield my eyes, while other times burning bright enough for me to see anything in the darkness.  His light shines the most when faith is hard to find. 

 The light in the darkness of this story is that the pain pushed me closer to God. I didn't see it at the time, But since I experienced that, I've been able to help others (or at least I hope so).  And God revealed it was time for me to start writing-- this blog was born.   This post is dedicated to three special friends in my life right now.  

 "For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength." ~Philippians 4.13 

*Check back on Wednesday for my bonus post that I missed last week.

Love, KayLeigh

*******
If you enjoyed this post, you may want to check out this past post:

http://kayleighryder.blogspot.com/2013/06/music-monday-when-right-one-comes-along.html

*****
Want to Win Skillet's new CD Rise? Enter my Instagram contest! 

How ya enter:

1. Snap a pic of what your sick of  

Sick of heartbreak.  (Inspired by life events.. **Not my Image** ) 

2.  Tag me in it @Nxt_Left 

3. Hashtag it  --   #skilletsaturday_sos84 ,  #sos84_contest 

4. Share the contest and tell others to like your picture! (If your account is private the photos can't be viewed :(  )

*I'll be featuring some of my favorites every Saturday on my blog until the contest is over :) 

*This contest will end when I finish the Skillet Saturday Series.  The Winner will be picked randomly and if the contest goes well I'll pick more than one winner! So plenty of time to win! :D Spread the word, share it, like it,ect!  So excited to see your photos!!!! 

*******

Check out my previous Skillet Saturday Posts!!!

1. Rise
http://kayleighryder.blogspot.com/2013/07/rise-skillet-saturday-1.html

2. Sick of It
http://kayleighryder.blogspot.com/2013/08/sick-of-it-skillet-saturday-2.html

3. Good to Be Alive
http://kayleighryder.blogspot.com/2013/08/good-to-be-alive-skillet-saturday-3.html

4.  Salvation
http://kayleighryder.blogspot.com/2013/08/salvation-skillet-saturday-4.html

******

Skillet - "Hard to Find"  *lyric video*

http://youtu.be/dmfIGbqKaPo

"Hard To Find"  (Lyrics)

Turned on the TV yesterday
So much pain bleeding through I had to look away
But inside me the picture’s just the same
And every time I open up my eyes nothing seems to change

It never seems to change

You give me faith to believe there’s a way
To put the past finally behind me
And hope to make it through another night
You give me strength during these dark times when I’m blind
You are my light when faith is hard to find

When faith is hard to find
Will you still hold on

Something woke me in the night
In the midst of the darkness I recognize the light
Now inside me the picture seems so clear
All the dying in my broken dreams is starting to appear

Starting to appear

You give me faith to believe there’s a way
To put the past finally behind me
And hope to make it through another night
You give me strength during these dark times when I’m blind
You are my light when faith is hard to find

Faith is hard to find

If I fall will you hold on to me
Through it all promise you won’t lose me
These days hope is hard to come by
And tonight I don’t know how I can’t survive

You give me faith to believe there’s a way
To put the past finally behind me
And hope to make it through another night
You give me strength during these dark times when I’m blind
You are my light when faith is hard to find

When faith is hard to find
Will you still hold on

You give me faith to believe there’s a way
To put the past finally behind me
And hope to make it through another night
You give me strength during these dark times when I’m blind
You are my light when faith is hard to find

"Salvation" - Skillet Saturday 4

This post is dedicated to all the lost in the world who are still wandering around searching for the light.  

(And for all those people who I will continue to argue with about Skillet not being a  christian band. lol. I believe I soft served it hahahaha. Anyways.)  Love this worship song by them!!! So powerful and inspiring!!! Keep spreading the light of  word and Gods gift of Salvation through the most amazing and passionate music!!  Rocking out Jesus Freak style)!!!! ***PANHEADS FOREVER***

5. But He was pierced for our rebellion, crushed for our sins.  He was beaten so we could be whole.  He was whipped so we could be healed.  

 6. ALL OF US, Like sheep, have strayed away.  We have left God's paths to follow our own.  Yet the Lord laid on Him the sins of us all.    

 ~Isaiah 53.6-7 (New Living Translation)


********
~Luke 2.30 (AMP -Amplified Bible)  "For with my [own] eyes I have seen Your Salvation, [Isaiah 52.10]" 


I am one of those people who should count themselves lucky for growing up in a christian home.  But at the same time, I sometimes wish I hadn't because I can't pinpoint on a timeline when and where I accepted Jesus's gift of Salvation for me. I've just known that I loved Jesus from an early age.  I sometimes wish I had a more compelling story to share with people.  While the people with the heart griping stories wish they had been raised in a christian home their entire life like I had.  

My family always went to church on Sundays. It was routine.  We were the picture perfect family for serving and being involved in the church.  I just assumed the majority of people lived their lives the same way.  Going through the church motions, saying all the right church answers, and getting through the rest of the week acting as someone different. 

"All alone, lost in this abyss
Crawling in the dark
Nothing to wet my longing lips
And I wonder where you are
Are you far, will you come to my rescue
Am I left to die but I can’t give up on you"

We all have this longing deep inside of us that leaves us crawling alone  in the dark looking for something more.  People have named it the God shaped hole.  The God shaped hole is something that we all try so very hard to fill with other things besides God.  

Its like our attempts at making a chocolate cake without the chocolate. It can't be done. But we try anyways. Hoping after enough times that we get a flavor that comes close to what we were longing for. 

 But we still choose to take our yellow cake mix time and time again and ( Insert your choice of ingredients here:______________)   hope we'll get different results.  

Money.  Beauty. Popularity. Sex. Drugs. Food. People. Job. 

The List of our combination attempts to make chocolate without buying it are endless. 

During this time frame I found out something that would rock my world. Not in a good way.  I couldn't believe ___________ was happening to me.  I started attaching myself to my close  friends hoping they would fill the hole that was in my heart.  But friend after friend,  None of them could do the job.  I kept getting more and more disappointed wondering if any friends would last forever and if any of them actually cared about what I was going through. 

"I feel you keeping me alive
You are my salvation
Touch you, taste you, feel you here
I feel you keeping me alive
You are my salvation
Hold me, heal me, keep me near
My heart will burn for you
It’s all I can do"

We always had this christian radio station on called WayFM.  I believe music has power like nothing else. Words and sounds do wonders for the soul.  Music was always there and somehow the right songs were always on the radio when I needed to hear them the most.  I started becoming serious about God.  Asking more serious questions. questions that, me being a so called born in church christian should have known the answers to. But I didn't know them.  All those hard questions that nobody, not even your pastor or small group leader had a good enough answer if at all to satisfy you with.  Why did this ____________ happen?  Why was _____________ aloud to make those choices.  Will this ________ ever happen to me? What if_____ it doesn't happen?

"Been out from under who I am
And who I want to be
Held you tightly in my hands
Why are we unraveling
Was it me, will you come to my rescue
Or did I push to far when I turned my back on you

I feel you keeping me alive
You are my salvation
Touch you, taste you, feel you here
I feel you keeping me alive
You are my salvation
Hold me, heal me, keep me near
My heart will burn for you
It’s all I can do"

~Luke 1.77 (New International Version)  "To give His people the knowledge of Salvation through the forgiveness of their sins." 

I wish I could tell you what happened in my life that made me want to get baptized (again, since I was older and could remember choosing it for myself.)  when i was 14-15.   It sounds dumb to say, something just clicked.  I just knew in my heart that God was real.  (Yes I know, some of you are probably going, that's like saying you'll "just know" when you find the one you wanna marry. But I don't "know" the feeling lol. )  Its hard to explain but "you'll know" one day if you don't already. =D   Its like seeing a vivid rainbow, gazing into a starlite sky, watching a breathtaking sunrise/sunset, seeing a little baby and holding it in your arms for the first time.  You see all those things and more, and just realize that someone made it all.  God made the beautiful butterfly's, and the creepy spiders and other misc. bugs you wished he had left out,  and the really cool creatures from the animal planet specials. You see it all and in an instant, you get the feeling. You just know. =D 

I had seen the evidence of his hand all throughout my life and knew I wanted to choose Him for myself.   This was a big step for me!  Choosing God because I felt lead to and because I wanted to.  Not because I had been raised that way and because it was what my family had decided for me to believe.  And Since then my heart is still burning for Him.  Sometimes the flame is huge and seems out of control, while  other times its just a steady burn. Or when certain events happens it seems I'm nothing more than smoldering embers ready for another spark.  But the important lesson in all this is I'm still burning. 

Keeping me alive
You are my salvation
Touch you, taste you, feel you here
Our love will never die
You are my salvation
Hold me, heal me, keep me near
My heart will burn for you
It’s all I can do

Salvation
Salvation
Touch you, taste you, need you
Salvation

******

**From the Dictionary - Concordance  in my New Living Translation Bible.

Salvation - Deliverance from the guilt and power of sin.  By His death and resurrection, Jesus brings salvation to the people who believe in Him.  

  

 ~Psalm 27.1 (NIV)  "The Lord is my light and my salvation--- whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my Life-- of whom  shall I be afraid?" 


 ~Acts 4.12 (NIV)    "Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to mankind by which we must be saved." 

  ~2 Corinthians 7.10 (NLT)   "For the kind of Sorrow God wants us to Experience leads us away from sin and results in salvation.  There's no regret for that kind of sorrow.  But worldly sorrow, which lacks repentance results in spiritual death."  

~Hebrews 2.3 (NIV)   "How shall we escape if we ignore so great a salvation? This Salvation, which was first announced by the Lord, was confirmed to us by those who heard Him."  


 ~Philippians 2.12-13  (NLT)    "Dear friends, you always followed my instructions when i was with you. And now that i am away, it is even more important, obeying God with deep reverence and fear.  For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him." 

********

Dear God,  

Thank you much much for dying on the cross for our sins.  I know we are far from deserving, but you see the light in us that we don't often see in ourselves.  I pray that you keep our heart fires lit up for you God.  Thank you so much for all my readers and for this blog.  I'm so excited to see what the future has in store.  We love you Jesus.  In your precious name,  Amen. 

Love, KayLeigh

p.s. yes I know I'm going out of order. 

p.p.s yes its better this way and I really have no clue what I'm doing lol. Just riding this wave God is giving me haha.  See ya next Saturday.  Sorry this was posted so late at nite.  Have a great week! 

*******

Salvation - Skillet (Video with intro from song 7 "madness in me" included. Lyrics. and bible verse Isaiah 53. 6-7 ) 

http://youtu.be/TSFlB1eyTy0

"Salvation" (Lyrics)

All alone, lost in this abyss
Crawling in the dark
Nothing to wet my longing lips
And I wonder where you are
Are you far, will you come to my rescue
Am I left to die but I can’t give up on you

I feel you keeping me alive
You are my salvation
Touch you, taste you, feel you here
I feel you keeping me alive
You are my salvation
Hold me, heal me, keep me near
My heart will burn for you
It’s all I can do

Salvation
Salvation
(Keeping me alive)
Salvation
(You’re keeping me)
Salvation
(You’re keeping me alive)

Been out from under who I am
And who I want to be
Held you tightly in my hands
Why are we unraveling
Was it me, will you come to my rescue
Or did I push to far when I turned my back on you

I feel you keeping me alive
You are my salvation
Touch you, taste you, feel you here
I feel you keeping me alive
You are my salvation
Hold me, heal me, keep me near
My heart will burn for you
It’s all I can do

Salvation
Salvation
(Keeping me alive)
Salvation

Touch you, taste you, feel you, need you
Give it all just to find you
Hold me, heal me
I will find you

Keeping me alive
You are my salvation
Touch you, taste you, feel you here
Our love will never die
You are my salvation
Hold me, heal me, keep me near
My heart will burn for you
It’s all I can do

Salvation
Salvation
Touch you, taste you, need you
Salvation

*****
Want to Win Skillet's new CD Rise? Enter my Instagram contest! 

How ya enter:

1. Snap a pic of what your sick of  

Featured photo from @BNATL   -- Bert Starzer, Author of Hershey the Hound of Hope, has donated a signed copy of his book for me to give away with the cd! Yay!! Thanx again! =D

2.  Tag me in it @Nxt_Left 

3. Hashtag it  --   #skilletsaturday_sos84 ,  #sos84_contest 

4. Share the contest and tell others to like your picture! (If your account is private the photos can't be viewed :(  )

*I'll be featuring some of my favorites every Saturday on my blog until the contest is over :) 

*This contest will end when I finish the Skillet Saturday Series.  The Winner will be picked randomly and if the contest goes well I'll pick more than one winner! So plenty of time to win! :D Spread the word, share it, like it,ect!  So excited to see your photos!!!! 

*****
Check out the first three posts in this Skillet Saturday Series!

1.  Rise
http://kayleighryder.blogspot.com/2013/07/rise-skillet-saturday-1.html

2.  "Sick of it"
http://kayleighryder.blogspot.com/2013/08/sick-of-it-skillet-saturday-2.html

3.  "Good to be Alive"

http://kayleighryder.blogspot.com/2013/08/good-to-be-alive-skillet-saturday-3.html

"Good To Be Alive" - Skillet Saturday 3

"When all you got are broken dreams

Just need a second chance

And everything you want to be 

Gets taken from your hands"

Right after I graduated High School in 2011, my world was turned upside down.  My parents sat me and my younger brother down and told us what no kids want to hear from their parents. 

"We're getting divorced." 

"This life could almost kill ya

When you’re trying to survive"

So many tears were shed that night as my parents explained why.   All I kept thinking was this is a horrible dream. 

This Can't be happening. Not to me. Not my parents.  Other peoples parents get divorced.  Not mine.  My parents were gonna be together forever.  Forever.  Does anything last forever? Are any relationships forever? God, how could you let this happen?! 

I was so angry at God for allowing everything to happen.  I was mad at my parents for the choices they had made.  I still couldn't wrap my brain around the fact that this was actually happening. 

I called my best friend who was my boyfriend at the time and told him everything that had happened.  He couldn't believe it either.  He told me it was gonna be okay and that he loved me. 

"It’s good to be alive

I was lost and I was gone

I was almost dead inside

You and me against the world

It’s a beautiful night

It’s good to be alive"

Ironically, just days before my parents told me they were getting divorced, me and my best friend of over two years finally admitted to being in love with each other.  I was flying high on a cloud.  I was so happy. It felt so good to be alive and to be able to experience everything that I was feeling and thinking.  Not knowing that only days later I would be wishing I couldn't feel anything.

Late that fateful night my boyfriend came and got me and we just drove around in silence for a long time.  I thought if I could keep from talking about it out loud that maybe it wouldn't happen. 

Despite the happiness my boyfriend caused me in the months to come, I was still in extreme pain while my parents were working over details of the divorce.  I thought life was gonna keep going down hill from there. I questioned God on a daily basis. Asking him if true love existed. If two people could stay together even if the worst should happen. 

My family, close friends and boyfriend surrounded me, my brother and parents with open arms and shoulders to cry on. Offering up pillows as punching bags or ice-cream as a sweet treat. During that whole time, I was overwhelmed with love.  God showed me love is real and that it exists in all forms.  That life was good.  That there was a light at the end of the tunnel, if I just kept moving. 

"Driving down this highway

Soaking up the sun

Got miles to go before we get home

And the journey’s just begun

We hold onto each other

You are everything I need

You feel like forever

You’re a second chance for me"

 God showed up and was on my side the whole time.  I love that saying about walking with God in the sand, and when you ask God where he was when you look at the one set of footprints during the hardest moments of your life, God looks back at you and says that's where I carried you.  Looking back know, I see God placed so many people in my life during that time that just loved on me and my family. 

"It’s good to be alive

I was lost and I was gone

I was almost dead inside

You and me against the world

It’s a beautiful night

It’s good to be alive

It’s beautiful night

Yeah, it’s all right

It’s good to be alive"

I believe that God puts people in our lives when we need them the most. Or when they need us.  My grandmother told me, "Friends are like the ever changing seasons. In blooming one minute, gone the next winter due to frostbite. "   I always hated that.  I hated how so many of my friends of the last few years came and left for different reasons.  Sometimes to this day I still hate it.  But now that I'm somewhat older I'm glad its this way.  I'm a different person than I was a few years back. Hopefully I've changed for the better as I attempt to adjust to this so called life as an adult.

And the light at the end of the tunnel was that my parents stayed together. I Thank God that so many people were praying for my parents marriage that when they went to sign the papers there was a change in hearts.  

 As much as the whole situation sucked, I'm glad I went through it because now I can relate to so many others and give them the hope that was given to me when I was hopeless and forgetting how good it was to be alive. 

******

(Song video and lyrics listed below after the contest details)

******

Want to Win Skillet's new CD Rise? Enter my Instagram contest! 

How ya enter:

1. Snap a pic of what your sick of

Featured  Photo (above)  from Instagram contest:  User:  @memoriesnlockets / we have a shoe problem.   Sick of Dirty shoes everywhere lol  #skilletsaturday_sos84  #sos84_contest

2.  Tag me in it @Nxt_Left 

3. Hashtag it  --   #skilletsaturday_sos84 ,  #sos84_contest 

4. Share the contest and tell others to like your picture! (If your account is private the photos can't be viewed :(  )

*I'll be featuring some of my favorites every Saturday on my blog until the contest is over :) 

*This contest will end when I finish the Skillet Saturday Series.  The Winner will be picked randomly and if the contest goes well I'll pick more than one winner! So plenty of time to win! :D Spread the word, share it, like it,ect!  So excited to see your photos!!!! 


******

Skillet - "Good to be Alive" 2013  (With interlude to "Not Gonna Die" at the end. AHHHHHH!!!!! Can I just say next saturday is one of my favorite songs off the album! Love the interlude and the crazy rock n roll in "not gonna die".  focus lol.  Link Below)

http://youtu.be/xW2kWbuTb2E

"Good To Be Alive"  (Lyrics)

When all you got are broken dreams

Just need a second chance

And everything you want to be

Gets taken from your hands

We hold onto each other

All we have is all we need

Because one way or another

We always thank it’s you and me

This life could almost kill ya

When you’re trying to survive

It’s good to be here with ya

And it’s good to be alive

It’s good to be alive

I was lost and I was gone

I was almost dead inside

You and me against the world

It’s a beautiful night

It’s good to be alive

It’s good to be alive

It’s good to be alive

It’s good to be alive

It’s good to be alive

It’s good to be alive

Driving down this highway

Soaking up the sun

Got miles to go before we get home

And the journey’s just begun

We hold onto each other

You are everything I need

You feel like forever

You’re a second chance for me

This life could almost kill ya

When you’re trying to survive

It’s good to be here with ya

And it’s good to be alive

It’s good to be alive

I was lost and I was gone

I was almost dead inside

You and me against the world

It’s a beautiful night

It’s good to be alive

It’s beautiful night

Yeah, it’s all right

It’s good to be alive

This life could almost kill ya

When you’re trying to survive

It’s good to be here with ya

It’s good to be alive

It’s good to be alive

It’s good to be alive

It’s good to be alive

It’s good to be alive

It’s good to be alive

And it’s good to be alive

It’s good to be alive

I was lost and I was gone

I was almost dead inside

You and me against the world

It’s a beautiful night

It’s good to be alive

It’s beautiful night

Yeah, it’s all right

It’s good to be alive

******

Check out the first two posts in the Skillet Saturday Series! 

"Rise" - Skillet Saturday 1

http://kayleighryder.blogspot.com/2013/07/rise-skillet-saturday-1.html

"Sick Of It" - Skillet Saturday 2

http://kayleighryder.blogspot.com/2013/08/sick-of-it-skillet-saturday-2.html

See ya back here next Saturday with "Not Gonna Die" 

~KayLeigh