"Hard to Find" Skillet Saturday 5

And this is why I don't date. 

I was asked recently by more than one female, the age old question that the majority of girls sit and ponder hours and shed countless tears over. 

"Why do guys (or girls) play with peoples hearts? Why do they lead you on and play games with you only to get bored and find a more interesting game?  Telling you they care for you, then dropping you like your hot and leaving you to get cold on the floor."

The cruel vicious cycle of flirting, talking and dating = heartbreak 99% of the time.  The game we all say that we hate, yet continue to play.  

"Turned on the TV yesterday
So much pain bleeding through I had to look away
But inside me the picture’s just the same
And every time I open up my eyes nothing seems to change

It never seems to change"
Towards the middle of last year I had this guy I went to church with start showing interest in me.  I had been single for a few months and I enjoyed the attention this guy was giving me.  It felt nice to have a guy say nice things to me and comment on my appearance.  What girl doesn't love flattery? 

This guy was was super charming, and I would find out the hard way that he was quite the lady charmer and into playing games with every girl  he could convince to play the game.

I turned him down a few times saying I wasn't looking for another relationship anytime soon.  But guys love a challenge.  He kept pursuing me, (I finally let my guard down) and he eventually tricked me into going out with him.   (**Helpful hint** Ladies-- When a guy says he'll pay for you and its just as friends--- its a lie!  Lies!!! He wouldn't pay if he wasn't interested in you. Moving on.) 

After the date ended, he tried to kiss me.  I was like, "Whoa, dude! This is not happening. I'm not one of those easy girls that kisses someone their not dating."  I continued to tell him about my non-kissing vow/commitment that I had made to God. How I was saving my first kiss until I was engaged/married.  He told me how cool a commitment that was and how he wished all girls thought the same way. 

Dumbly and because I was asking for trouble, I went out with him a few more times.   And when the date would end, he still tried to kiss me each time. After the second time, I decided to ignore the red flags I saw. ( I enjoyed being liked. Who doesn't?)

 I found my self in a not so good situation and had to almost smack him away.   

"Something woke me in the night
In the midst of the darkness I recognize the light
Now inside me the picture seems so clear
All the dying in my broken dreams is starting to appear"

He finally tells me he had dated a girl that said she had the same no-kissing rule and after taking her on a few dates, she quickly broke that rule.  

"You give me faith to believe there’s a way
To put the past finally behind me
And hope to make it through another night
You give me strength during these dark times when I’m blind
You are my light when faith is hard to find

Faith is hard to find"

He continues to tell me that he didn't like me. That he only started talking to me because he thought I would be easy. And because he hadn't sucked face with anyone in a few months. (Yes he told me that.) He found my personality annoying and my beliefs ridiculous (too strong for him).  "How do you know if you'd wanna date someone without kissing them several times first?"  

I was crushed.  At the moment hearing this so called "good christian guy" say all that to me, it confirmed what a lot of girls think about guys.  That guys only care about one thing. 
"If I fall will you hold on to me
Through it all promise you won’t lose me
These days hope is hard to come by
And tonight I don’t know how I can’t survive

These ladies that brought up the questions about why are guys players, ask me yet more questions.  "If God has a reason for everything, and knows everything that is going to happen in my life, then why did he allow this person to do this________? Why did He let this person even come into my life if it was only to hurt me?  What lesson am I supposed to learn?"

"Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life."   ~Proverbs 4.23 (New Living Translation)


When I got home after the guy brutally crushed me, I just stood in my driveway and cried. I cried hard and yelled at God.  Asking Him why?  Why God??? Why did you let him use me like that??? I remember singing "praise you in this storm" by Casting Crowns and several other worship songs. Just pouring my heart out to God in the driveway. Red faced, tears and all, I told God I was sorry for trying to give my heart away to someone who wasn't meant to have it.  I was sorry for feeling so desperate to have a guys attention.  Even when it put me in a bad situation.  

You give me faith to believe there’s a way
To put the past finally behind me
And hope to make it through another night
You give me strength during these dark times when I’m blind
You are my light when faith is hard to find"

Crying, singing, and praying, I had this overwhelming peace wave wash over me. I felt truly happy.  I was glad I had experienced what happened. It brought me so much closer to God.   God told me, I have to have faith in Him to believe that He has a great love story written for me if I just hand him the pen and let him have control. 

 But we love control, and that's what makes it so hard. It's so hard to hand your life and your choices over and let someone else decide for you, to let someone else do the driving lol.  

But God's Timing is always perfect. Never too early, never too late.

"Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you:
    Do not arouse or awaken love
    until it so desires."  ~Song of Songs 8:4

I'm now able to put what happened in the past behind me and move on. And I made it through that hurtful night.  God gives me the strength to keep my commitment to Him even when its hard and its the last thing I want to do. 

 God is constantly shining a light in my life ,blinding me sometimes to make me stop and shield my eyes, while other times burning bright enough for me to see anything in the darkness.  His light shines the most when faith is hard to find. 

 The light in the darkness of this story is that the pain pushed me closer to God. I didn't see it at the time, But since I experienced that, I've been able to help others (or at least I hope so).  And God revealed it was time for me to start writing-- this blog was born.   This post is dedicated to three special friends in my life right now.  

 "For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength." ~Philippians 4.13 

*Check back on Wednesday for my bonus post that I missed last week.

Love, KayLeigh

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If you enjoyed this post, you may want to check out this past post:

http://kayleighryder.blogspot.com/2013/06/music-monday-when-right-one-comes-along.html

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Want to Win Skillet's new CD Rise? Enter my Instagram contest! 

How ya enter:

1. Snap a pic of what your sick of  

Sick of heartbreak.  (Inspired by life events.. **Not my Image** ) 

2.  Tag me in it @Nxt_Left 

3. Hashtag it  --   #skilletsaturday_sos84 ,  #sos84_contest 

4. Share the contest and tell others to like your picture! (If your account is private the photos can't be viewed :(  )

*I'll be featuring some of my favorites every Saturday on my blog until the contest is over :) 

*This contest will end when I finish the Skillet Saturday Series.  The Winner will be picked randomly and if the contest goes well I'll pick more than one winner! So plenty of time to win! :D Spread the word, share it, like it,ect!  So excited to see your photos!!!! 

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Check out my previous Skillet Saturday Posts!!!

1. Rise
http://kayleighryder.blogspot.com/2013/07/rise-skillet-saturday-1.html

2. Sick of It
http://kayleighryder.blogspot.com/2013/08/sick-of-it-skillet-saturday-2.html

3. Good to Be Alive
http://kayleighryder.blogspot.com/2013/08/good-to-be-alive-skillet-saturday-3.html

4.  Salvation
http://kayleighryder.blogspot.com/2013/08/salvation-skillet-saturday-4.html

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Skillet - "Hard to Find"  *lyric video*

http://youtu.be/dmfIGbqKaPo

"Hard To Find"  (Lyrics)

Turned on the TV yesterday
So much pain bleeding through I had to look away
But inside me the picture’s just the same
And every time I open up my eyes nothing seems to change

It never seems to change

You give me faith to believe there’s a way
To put the past finally behind me
And hope to make it through another night
You give me strength during these dark times when I’m blind
You are my light when faith is hard to find

When faith is hard to find
Will you still hold on

Something woke me in the night
In the midst of the darkness I recognize the light
Now inside me the picture seems so clear
All the dying in my broken dreams is starting to appear

Starting to appear

You give me faith to believe there’s a way
To put the past finally behind me
And hope to make it through another night
You give me strength during these dark times when I’m blind
You are my light when faith is hard to find

Faith is hard to find

If I fall will you hold on to me
Through it all promise you won’t lose me
These days hope is hard to come by
And tonight I don’t know how I can’t survive

You give me faith to believe there’s a way
To put the past finally behind me
And hope to make it through another night
You give me strength during these dark times when I’m blind
You are my light when faith is hard to find

When faith is hard to find
Will you still hold on

You give me faith to believe there’s a way
To put the past finally behind me
And hope to make it through another night
You give me strength during these dark times when I’m blind
You are my light when faith is hard to find